☢️ FACT OF THE DAY ☢️
MEANWHILE, AT THE INGREDIENT DEVELOPMENT LAB...
"Red 40 — the dye in your favorite snacks — is derived from petroleum.
It's also in your sports drink, your cereal, and your 4-year-old's birthday cake.
— Your body filed a complaint. The FDA filed it under 'Generally Recognized As Fine.'
It's also in your sports drink, your cereal, and your 4-year-old's birthday cake.
— Your body filed a complaint. The FDA filed it under 'Generally Recognized As Fine.'
🙏 WAIT. PUT THE BAG DOWN. JUST FOR A SECOND. 🙏
We're not here to shame you. We ate a gas station burrito while writing this.
Look — the food is what it is. Your liver already knows. Your pancreas already knows.
Even your knees know, and they haven't said anything yet.
We're just the friend who reads the label out loud while you're already mid-bite.
You're gonna eat it anyway. Might as well know what's in it.
— Inferno Burrito. Proudly written by people who also eat chips in bed.
📋 HONEST NUTRITION FACTS
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: Whatever you tell yourself is one serving
Servings Per Container: Technically 2.5. Realistically 1. Emotionally, all of it.
Servings Per Container: Technically 2.5. Realistically 1. Emotionally, all of it.
Calories
420
% Daily Value*
Sodium⚠️ 78%
Before lunch. Impressive.
Regret∞%
Petroleum Derivativespresent
Red 40 · Yellow 5 · Yellow 6🛢️
"Natural Flavors"classified
Nature was not consultedconfirmed
Your Liver's Enthusiasm📉 trending
Ingredients You Can Pronounce3 of 27
Ingredients That Recognize You Back0
*Percent Daily Values based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your actual diet has not been studied
but preliminary observations suggest "concerning."
🔥 TODAY'S DAMAGE REPORT 🔥
⏰ THE PANCREAS REPORT
A can of regular soda contains about 39 grams of sugar — nearly 10 teaspoons.
Your pancreas releases insulin every single time. It has done this 11 times today
and has stopped making eye contact with you.
"It's not quitting. It's quiet quitting."
🧂 SODIUM: A LOVE STORY
Americans consume an average of 3,400mg of sodium per day.
The recommended limit is 2,300mg. The difference is roughly one bag of chips.
Which you also had. Your blood vessels are adapting. They are not happy about it.
"Your blood pressure didn't spike. It just relocated permanently."
🍟 THE McNUGGET FILES
McDonald's Chicken McNuggets contain 38 ingredients. Chicken is one of them.
Others include dimethylpolysiloxane — an anti-foaming agent also found in silly putty.
It is FDA approved. That sentence should bother you more than it does.
"You dipped it in sauce. That helped nothing. You felt better though."
🧪 "NATURAL FLAVORS"™
"Natural flavors" is a legal umbrella term covering over 2,600 additives.
Includes castoreum — a secretion from beaver anal glands — used in some vanilla and raspberry
flavorings. Totally legal. Totally natural. Technically correct.
"You're welcome. That's free information. We're sorry."
🫀 TBHQ: THE FULL STORY
TBHQ (tert-Butylhydroquinone) is a petroleum-derived preservative in Pop-Tarts,
Cheez-Its, and fast food oils. In large doses: nausea, vomiting, liver damage.
In small doses: your food lasts two years on a shelf. So does yours, probably.
"Your liver saw this coming. It has a folder. It's thick."
🌽 HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP
Unlike regular sugar, HFCS is metabolized almost entirely by your liver —
which converts excess directly to fat. It's in bread, ketchup, yogurt,
and your childhood cereal. Introduced in the 1970s. Obesity rates followed shortly after.
Coincidence corner is open.
"The corn didn't do this alone. It had lobbyists."
DEEP IN THE INGREDIENT LIST — ITEMS 19 THROUGH 27
"BHT to preserve freshness."
Gerald had been reading the ingredient list for 20 minutes.
Gerald was no longer fresh.
Gerald had been reading the ingredient list for 20 minutes.
Gerald was no longer fresh.
FDA APPROVED
TECHNICALLY EDIBLE
YOUR PROBLEM NOW